What Doesn't Happen Before You Have a Kid

You do not...
-make dinner and then forget to eat it until 2 hours later.
-trip over/step on toys and then swallow the curse words that fill your head.
-wake up in the middle of the night hearing phantom crying when it's really just the fan.
-turn down dinner invitations because you will get home later than 8pm.
-spend $12 on a 4th of July tutu (with matching shirt and hairbow) only to realize that your child probably won't wear it due to the fact that she is sick and holiday plans are therefore cancelled.
-wear shirts out of the house that contain stains from milk, food, or bodily fluids.
-pick another person's boogers.
-analyze poop.
-catch someone else's throw up in your hand and then go about your day.
-purchase 5 different thermometers because you are constantly doubting their accuracy and 10 seconds is actually too long for it to get a reading.
-memorize children's books or have the "Praise Baby" songs stuck in your head.
-accidentally eat your cereal with a baby spoon. (A photo for this one...)
-spend two days trying to decide: "exactly what sound does an elephant make?" or "what dog sound should we teach her - arf or woof?"


The list goes on... Feel free to comment and add yours.  :)